Knowing and Believing

I believe I know everything. Really I do. Not even in the ‘I know the things I have learned in school.’ I wish this were a joke, and sometimes I laugh at it when it’s written on paper, but I really, somewhere in the corner turns of my heart believe I know everything.

This is so not true. Not even close to the truth! And when I see it on paper I know that I don’t actually think I know everything. I just believed it for so long it sits around like a nasty habit, like eating sweets before bed or forgetting to brush my teeth at night.

And just like forgetting to brush my teeth this habit reeks. I mean repeals people worse than my breath after eating garlic knots. I don’t know why someone wouldn’t want to be around a person who says, “I heard that” or “I think it was actually this…” I mean who wouldn’t want to have a conversation with a person who corrects them like auto correct on messenger?

I sat around people like this all through high school. One guy specifically did this and it made my skin crawl like ants were all over me every time. He used his knowledge like a whip to snap people into their place, ranking them one by one based on how they measured up to him. Or at least that’s how it felt.

And he never did this intentionally, by no means because he truly was a sweet heart. But he believed he knew everything.

And so do I, which is probably why that habit about him struck me so because it pointed a huge arrow to my faulty belief that I knew everything.

Everything is a big word. It’s hefty and grandiose. It can mean all things that exist or all things that are important.

Yet, we throw it around like it’s nothing, which is light and carefree, just filling the space in our sentences to connect one thought to another.

ALL. Wrap your brain around the word all: the whole amount or quantity or extent of; as much as possible.

All things were made through Him (John 1:3).

ALL.

The whole amount of things were made through Him. Everything, all that is important was made through him.

I forget how big God is, how grand He is. I get caught up in the doing of life, the laundry, seeing patients, watching TV, paying bills, seeing friends and thinking about the future, to sit with the truth that He made EVERYTHING.

I wanna sit with that truth and drink it in like a Saturday morning cup of coffee. I want to visit that like an old friend from school asking questions and learning of happenings since our last hurrah together.

I want that truth to travel the path from my head, where I think I know stuff, down to my heart, where I actually believe it. I want these words to hold meaning and power again in my life and take their place instead of filling in a sentence. I want them to melt into my heart like ice cream in summer or butter on pancakes. I want them to make a mess of my life, turning upside down the things I believe to make them right side up.

I want a life that does not know it all, but knows the One who made it all.